"The second you hear that, run to the store, get yourself some ribs and some ice cream because you have been dumped."

newscasters are funny

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and of course, the funniest, truest movie scene there ever was:

<object width="640" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Fvqmo5TMyeQ?fs=1&amp;hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Fvqmo5TMyeQ?fs=1&amp;hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="640" height="385"></embed></object>